3.15.2014

Friendships

Through everyone's life friends come and go. 

I'd like to hope that most people have long time friends that have seen you through the good, the bad and the ugly.  I have a couple of these friends and I cherish them more then they even know.  These are the friends that don't need to be pampered, handled with kid gloves or even spoken to on a regular basis.  Time can go by but when you don't speak or see each other but when you do you are able to pick up where you last left off.  And that is so awesome!

Making friends as an adult is rough.  If you work in a great social work environment you make work friends that you can hopefully leverage to real life friends and it becomes more about the friendship then it is about you working together.  The friendships I built through work have been great and I am grateful for them.  Some of these friendships were successfully leveraged to real life friendships.  As a result of the success, I still have these friendships even though I don't work with the individuals any longer.

As a parent, making friends with people who have kids is very hard.  If you don't have friends with kids or are about to have kids, in close proximity to age with your children it is tough to meet people.  Sure your kid makes friends and you plan play dates but whether or not you become friends with the parent is another story.  When your kids are toddlers/preschoolers this is the hardest.  You meet parents in various classes, or daycare, or at the park.  Maybe you get along but only on the level of being parents and talking about parental/kid issues.  More then likely you don't have any other common ground, if there is, consider yourself extremely lucky!  I've tried the forced friendship thing with co-workers who had kids just a few months before me and that went down into a big ball of awkwardness.  I vowed never to force friendships because we all have the common denominator of same-aged children.  NEVER AGAIN.  I tend to suss out the adult and then the kids getting along naturally falls into place.

The other type of friendships are the ones that sneak up on you, out of the blue.  These friendships are pretty great.  I've recently had one of these enter my life (the second one of the sort that i've had the opportunity to embrace) and am so grateful for it.  For example, these friendships may blossom with people you've known for years but never really grew a fruitful friendship with them.  Maybe because the opportunity was not there at the time or maybe there were different priorities in each persons life, you know, the timing was just not right on your first go around.  Then life happens and these people reenter each others life at a point in time when the timing is right.  The individuals get along like crazy.  You can have different interests but you only inspire, encourage, lean on, support  each other.  You have fun,  the individual interest doesn't matter nor do you even bother to let BS into your friendship.  There is no judgement just love.  These friendships are like gold!  My friendships like this are fantastic and i'm super grateful for it and it came into my life at the perfect time, I know i've made true friends for life.

The saddest friendships are the ones you've had since, well, forever and you thought would last.  People you've known for a long time and you thought would fall into that first category but it doesn't.  I know i've talked about his ad nauseum in past posts which I won't even bother linking to.  I have one person like this.  She's been a point of contention for me for a while.  I don't want to get passive aggressive about it with this person and I feel like it may come to this.  Maybe I should confront them?  Maybe I should just write them off and wash my hands of it?  It's hard though when its a person you've know for so long, invested time with them, to just throw it all away is a struggle.  But I feel like i've given and given and tried to stay in touch but always get excuses in return.  "sorry, can't text making dinner."  "sorry can't talk when the kids are home"  "sorry" "sorry" "sorry"  I can be accommodating.  I can even understand about things like family time, or time to just sit quietly with a glass of wine, i get it, we all need this from time to time.  But when this happens so often I call bullshit and just call it what it is an EXCUSE.  When you can't make time for a friend who is clearly trying to make time for you then you sort of suck.  When you constantly post on a social network about other things with other friends about phone calls, texts, plans I totally call BS.  I always make time for friends and I have 3 kids.  Sure, I have friends that may try to get ahold of me when its inconvenient but I offer a time when it is convenient and always try to make it work.  Why?  Because I love my friends and they mean something to me.

I recently read a quote:
Forget those who forget you.

I want to make this my new motto.  I no longer want to dwell on these failed friendships.  Mostly the ones that have failed by issues surrounding the other persons failure as a friend.  It's not a good thing when you know in your heart of hearts that you no longer want to try because clearly they are not trying.  So sad. 

Friendships.  Yeah, they come and go.  The ones who stick around, in my book, they are my family!


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