I like to think that although I have 3 kids I'm still the same Amber. I haven't let mommyhood take me over and turn me into "Bid Red's/Donx's/Crash's Mom." I have my own identity and will always have my own identity. I think this is important for any parent, especially a woman who stays home with her child.
It's sad when you see someone you know that disappear into mommyland and no longer have their own identities. Where doing something for themselves causes guilt and having to hear the myriad of excuses why they cannot or should not do something. This is very sad to me.
I make it a point to be me. To love my family, give myself over to them but to never exclude myself. I don't feel guilt when I'm selfish and indulge in little things for myself. My children are loved by me, have a roof over their head, food to eat and endless adventures everyday of their lives, there is nothing I should feel bad about. My kids are independent, have a myriad of individual and collective interests, readily share things on their mind and are happy, strong and amazing.
I feel giving yourself over to your children to the point of losing ones self is not healthy and I don't understand how a woman can feel genuinely fulfilled by this. Not to mention where does your significant other rank in all of this?
My kids are an extension of me but they are not me and I am not them. I am Amber not _____'s mom. I was Amber before Big Red, Donx and Crash and I will remain Amber. I don't want my kids interest to become my focus but I would rather have them teach me about their interests so we can talk about it and I want to teach them about my interests. That is what having kids is about to teach and learn from each other. To live each day as individuals and taking what we absorbed from each day and sharing it with each other.
To lose myself in my kids would be a rotten thing for me, not to mention for T. I don't believe he would be happy because I would no longer be the person he fell in love with and married. The above is true for your husband and for being a couple. We were a couple before we had kids. We had a long relationship before we introduced kids into our family. We work hard at keeping "mom and dad" separate from "T and Amber." We make time to have "date night" and enjoy our alone time together doing things we did before the kids came along.
Because I keep my individual identity I believe it makes me a better person, a better mother, and a better wife!