As some of you may know T and I talk about moving back to Hawaii every couple of years.  These last few years we've done it more and more frequently.  I think the main thing that holds us back is the cost of living and work.  Everyone says Hawaii is expensive and it is.  Compared to LA it wasn't that much more but still its expensive.  But that you learn to cope with because it becomes a fact of life and definitely one of those factors you cannot control should you chose to move to Hawaii.  

The job situation is another story.  I regularly look at job listings in Hawaii.  T found something and applied.  He heard nothing back.  I tend to think that because it isn't this crazy, extra special, niche job that him coming from PDX may be more of a deterrent than an assest of being a qualified individual.  I'm sure they are thinking is this guy willing to move? are we expected to relocate him and his family?  isn't there someone local and qualified?  I get it. I totally get it.

I've reached a point in my thought process that T and I need to sit down, have an honest, list making heart-to-heart and either commit to it and when or just throw in the towel for now.  I talk to the boys about it every now and then.  They seem just as conflicted as we do.  They are now in elementary school, they love their school, they have made friends who are pretty permanent fixtures in their lives, they have places they go to that have activities they participate in.  In short they have put down roots.  Their roots are probably more grown in and attached to the soil than mine are.  I like Portland but there is something to be said for having your family around.

My entire family lives in Hawaii.  My family is large.  My family is close.  I miss that.  Yes my mother is here often but its just not the same.  Although she's here often I only get her for a specific amount of time and we're so rushed and I feel like if we chose to stay home and do nothing we're wasting her trip.  I miss just hanging out and doing nothing.  Maybe we should have moved to Hawaii and not Portland.  Had I foresaw this whole getting laid off thing and maybe I would have made a different decision.

I read a couple of blogs from people in Hawaii.   I see these familiar places and it makes me cry a little.  Things have changed a lot both in Hawaii and personally.  All the things that made me frustrated about living there has changed and my priorities are different so in some respect the playing field has been leveled.  I think about my child hood and it was pretty awesome.  I spent a lot of time at the beach, seeing my family and playing with my cousins who were my built in BFFs.  I want that for my kids.  My cousins have kids.  All these kids are about the same ages and its pretty amazing.  But for now they don't get to enjoy that.  Conflicted!  As Always!

At some point if this is what we want to do I think we need to jump in head first like we always do, and just move with no jobs and work the kinks out once we get there.  We'll need to pick a date, save, save, save and start anew.

Right now though, I'm missing Hawaii.  The place that will always be home.  Homesick after all these years seems strange and not okay.  But my priorities in life are so different now and deep down I know, now, that at some point during my adult life I need to move back.

1 comment:

  1. This post made me sad a little inside because I know how you feel. Although we don't have the nice large family there... And it's even smaller now... I miss home and family a lot now that I'm older and have kids. I hope you guys can make it happen. Actually, I know you can. It seems this comes up quite often... So it must be what your family is meant to do. Hopefully once Shawn's military career is done with, we will be meeting you all there too!