11.09.2011

I'm in ridiculous pain today.  I did some crazy stretching and probably over did it (but shhhhh....don't tell T I've admitted to overdoing anything!).  It was these crazy ass lunge-squat things and my fucking god to all things holy my right thigh/hamstring is on fire!  I'm moving in slomo today and it is not pretty.  Im not avoiding movements because I know it is probably best to push through the burn so my body gets use to this craziness.  What was nice though was taking Crash to swimming and being in the pool with my crazy leg.  So damn soothing, I wish I had someone to watch her for 15 min after class so I could have sat in the jacuzzi for a bit, I'm sure that would have hit orgasm levels of pleasure for my leg.

I've noticed something about me over the course of the last few months.  Being home and not having the weight of online advertising hanging on my shoulders has really loosened me up.  I never, ever believed my job to frustrating or stressful.  It was actually pretty perfect, or as perfect as a corporate job can be.  But not having to be responsible for what is shown online to a user has been great.  Not having to wake up and think about any leftover projects looming over me has been relaxing.  Not having to wake up and schlep myself three towns over, to an office with bad fluorescent lights and people whom despise what my job is and how badly it affects their commission  has been like reaching nirvana.  But I digress, I feel like I've changed.  I'm the Amber I used to be, the one that was free spirited, and spontaneous, and up for anything, and was able to live life on a whim.  I missed me but boy am I glad that i'm back to who I was.....only this time I'm back with 3 kids.  I feel like i'm more the mom that I always envisioned I could be and wanted to be.  Always there for my kids, to meet them at the school bus and be the first to ask about their day,  to pile them up in the car with no real plans in mind and then surprising them with a stop at the ice cream shop.  To curl up in a giant huddle on the couch and read books to them or them to me.  To sit at the dining room table sipping hot chocolate because its raining.  I feel so lucky to be able to do that with them, to create these teeny moments for them in hopes that when they grow up they will remember these times spent with me.  I guess you can say that not only did I return back to my pre-corporate world Amber, I came back as a slightly gentler and softer me.  This is not a bad thing at all, its me grown-up....evolved even!





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