When I look at my reflection sometimes I like what I see and sometimes I don't. I try not to dwell on it and chalk most feelings up to time of the month, what side of the bed I woke up on etc. I normally don't like to look at myself unless absolutely necessary, not sure why but I don't see the point. It's weird to put into words because I do care what I look like on any given day but to stare and scrutinize myself just seems pointless.
I looked at myself these eve and only became disgusted at my hair. It's at the length I hate most. Overgrown, dirty and just grazing past my shoulders a.k.a. soccer mom hair. This length makes me feel dowdy and middle aged. But what can i do? Cut it? That would just mean in a few months I'd be right back where I am now. Let it grow? Best choice but just means I need to deal with it for the next few months while it grows out. So you see, what's the point.
I don't know. I've never been a girly girl; where I felt the need to fuss over myself for hours or ensuring I have a weekly manicure appointment. I take care of myself, provide upkeep to the girly things but to be maniacal about it, that's not me. When I have the time and money available I do love getting my eyebrows handled by a pro they outcome cannot be replicated by own hands. And while I do love a mani and pedi with 3 young kids its tough for me to get any longevity out of a nice nail job. Chips and rips just follow me around. Make up. I enjoy it, I wear it daily. Do I get extravagant about it, sometimes. I do indulge in name brand cosmetics but I don't scoff at the drugstore brands because some of them are fantastic but do I get all crazy with my daily routine, no. Not even when I was working. Clothes, shoes and bags...major weakness. Especially expensive bags. Not gonna lie about that. Although I've scaled back since having my third (but there is one i've been yearning for for years and not sure how much longer I can wait). Girly girl no. Average girl with one big weakness yes. That's pretty normal I think.
I think at this point in my life I am who I am and people just need to take it or leave it. I'm a mom. A wife. A daughter. A friend. My personality takes many forms. I don't apologize for who I am. My family means the world to me but I don't allow it to dictate who I am. I like who I am. Physically I could use some work, but who wouldn't think that? I'm careful who I let into my life. Im guarded until I feel like I know you. I've learned that it isn't good to judge a book by its cover and feel like many people judge me before they know me (isn't that an H2O song?) but really its their lost. When it comes to people I much prefer quality over quantity. I would rather be able to have friends I can count on then having lots of friends who say they will be there when they really have no intention at all.
With age and kids i've become a major softy and really don't want to elaborate lest I cry right now. Pathetic right?
These nights when I can't sleep are bad. I ramble and have just become conscious to what I'm doing now so i'm stopping. Good night people.