2.04.2011

Turning Over a New Leaf

So in the last 10 days my life has come to a screeching holt and completely changed directions. Of course this was not by choice, I was sort of blindingly pushed. I'm hoping, keeping my fingers crossed really tight that this is a very good thing.

Let's go back to January 25.

I go to work like any other day. Actually I go earlier than usual because I didn't need to go to the school bus with Big Red. I was refreshed and ready to dive into my work (I probably had to much sleep the night before since this isn't my regular attitude.) Anyway, get to work and do what I'm paid to do, start working. I have my usual 10am conference call with my boss coming up. To clarify, i work out of the PNW office while my boss and rest of my team works in the SoCal office - hence a conference call. Anyway 10am rolls around and I get a knock on my desk. Yes a knock, I tend to wear headphones all day and my back faces the general walk way near my cube. I turn around and to my, immediate, excitement and shock it was my boss! How fun he's here for a day or so. I greet him accordingly but the next words out of his mouth, and the look of pure panic on his face, makes my stomach sink. "We need to go to a room." (i.e. conference room) In the back of my mind I know what may happen, but I didn't think this was going on company wide today, I thought in the next month or so. Long story short, because I don't want someone to happen upon this and than the shit hits the fan and then I lose what's coming to me etc etc etc....I'm told my position has been eliminated. Bye. Fin. Adios. Game Over.

What.The.Fuck.?!?

So here I am. Jobless.
I'm learning to relax.
I'm learning to really enjoy and embrace the time with my kiddos.
I've been sewing and baking alot and find it so therapeutic and calming.

I'm not sure I want to look for a job right now.
But that's not to say i'm not scared. Im fucking scared as hell what the future holds. At this age, and after a decade with a company, I didn't think I would ever find myself unemployed.

As much as I am scared I am excited. Super-excited. I'm seeing this turn of event as an opportunity. An opportunity to completely change my path in life. To do things I didn't think I had the chance to do because I had a stable job. I want to follow my heart and my creativity where ever that may lead me. I'm not normally an optimist, I'm not trying to project a better future. Im just seeing where this is all leading me.

And now its about 10-days later. It's my birthday, today. I'm home. No job. No responsibility. I want to bake my own cake. Play by my own rules. This year I want to live passionately with everything that I do. I want to do things for me and for the ones I love. This I'm hoping is my new path. A path that will progress slowly and the way I want it to and its exciting and scary and magical. This is my new year and i'm hoping it will be one that will be awesome!

1 comment:

  1. I know the feeling of losing your job after so many years of service. I was freaked out as well for the first couple of weeks and then I relaxed for about 3 months and then started the job search back up again.

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