4.30.2010

Home is where the Heart Is

Today I looked through some of the bookmarks I have on my PC laptop (i.e. work laptop). I haven’t really sorted through them since before I went on maternity leave. I had a folder of bookmarks entitled “Los Angeles” which consisted of LA-centric blogs, event calendars etc. I had a few blogs I read regularly that focused on my neighborhood and immediate surrounding neighborhoods. It made me feel a little misty. I started remembering all these oddball places like the casket store on Glendale blvd. in Atwater Village, the greasy diner in Burbank I used to frequent. Memories came flooding in – it was bittersweet. Sure, I don’t live in Glendale anymore but it still feels like home. It was my boys first home, it’ll be one of things they will always remember about California. We made memories there and have the photos to reminisce about them.

Lately I’ve been having a lot of mixed feeling about the place that was my home and the place that is my home. There is so much to love about California and there is so much to love about Oregon. Oregon is still a work in progress and I’m working on making it my home. I think with life starting to fall into a routine that “home” feeling will get on track. I think part of it is that I don’t own my house and there is no permanent attachment so I feel in limbo with my house. Im sure when we finally decide to buy again we can really steak claim. I think that is one of the differences in my feelings of OR and CA. In California I owned a bit of square footage in the golden state. It was mine, all mine. I worked hard to buy it and to keep it. I bought into the life there. In OR I’m still trying to figure all that out. Finding the right place to buy into and own. I’m doing my best.

Home is where you make it. I’ve made my place home for my family. It’s my emotional feelings that I need to work out. Damn mental roadblocks. My number one priority is providing the kids with a home they feel comfortable and safe in. And I do provide that. Besides the upheaval process I made our move as seamless as possible for them. I think now that I’m back at work and not being overly occupied by my teeny weeny one I have time to think. Thinking, not always a positive thing. I have time to think about the aspects of California that I miss. Of course they are selfish things like shopping and restaurants and of course friends. All the things that didn’t matter as much once I had kids. On the flipside, life in Bridgetown is pretty fabulous. My kids have really gotten a kick out of the change in seasons, the fickle seasonal weather (sunny one minute to a major hail down pour then back to sunny), and all the amazing nature around us. Life is pretty great. We are making new memories. This will be the place little D will remember as her first home. Life is definitely different. Simpler. Happy. Cozy. Family life is reprioritized for sure. It’s a great thing. No regrets. And everyday Im making this place feel more like mine, like ours.

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