11.19.2009

Mostly Some Venting Action

Emotional, stress induced breakdown this morning and I don't take any of it back!

1) Who does the laundry? Me
2) Who does the majority of the dishes? Me
3) Who's responsible to pay bills in a timely manner? Me
4) Who makes sure the kids have lunches for school? Me
5) Who makes dinner every night? Me
6) Who makes sure that when we're low on home necessities it gets replenished? Me
7) Who's been making sure that we have all the stuff we need for this new baby? Me
8) Who's burden is it to ensure $$ is coming in so we can have a roof over our heads? Me
9) Who makes sure the house is tidy and routinely cleaned? Me
10) Who's the "bad guy" in the house? Me

But
1) who is glued to their BB? You
2) Who thinks its perfectly acceptable to use the BB to "unwind"? You
3) Who needs to be reminded of the smallest things over and over? You

- I get it you corral the kids. But for how long? I know its so I can "relax" but do i need you to rub it in, all the time? Not really. Yeah you spent our first 6 weeks or so here with the kids everyday, do I need to be reminded of that all the time? Uhmmm No. Did you forget that I had to alter my work schedule too and work half days of the office and half at home to help you out. So bud, you're not getting 100% credit on this one when we even distributed our parental duties.

Why is it that you want a pat on the back for things you volunteered to do? And is it even "volunteering" when you are the parent and doing what you are suppose to do? No its what you do. Its what you signed up for.

Why does work take precedence over other duties? Why can't you take a day off from your BB? Why are you such a slave to it? Life shouldn't be like that. Relationships shouldn't be like that. I get it, your work stuff. blah blah blah. i have work stuff to. but when 4pm rolls around I end it. pack it up. do my parental and spousal duties and don't look back at the work stuff until the next day.

Do you understand that things cost money. You want cable? it cost money. Really does the kid need ANOTHER coat? NO! Then why are you buying him another one? I don't want to tell you know, i'm not your mother but when I tell you "he already has one or two so you make the best decision" why do you err on the side of spending that extra $40 bucks? Don't you get it?!?! I never wanted this to be an issue but it is! And its stressful. I see our bills. I know our expenses. We do ok but do i want more expenses? NO. Will we have more expenses down the road? Probably. Life sucks like that.

Why can't you just be focused. Be coherent in our needs? Be mindful of $$? Take note when you hurt my feelings? understand that I don't want to talk at you with you only half listening and barely responding. I don't want to repeat myself because you were off day dreaming about work. Maybe you should work at giving me 100% of your attention sometimes. You know whats the worst. Your half ass listening and answering only to find out you totally lied because you weren't paying attention and just answered with any response to get me off your back. F*%k you then.

I never wanted to be this person that would go on a stupid blog to bitch about you. But this is what i've resorted to. And I hate myself for it. You are so paranoid i'll reach out to a friend to complain and expose our "business" maybe i need to. maybe a 3rd party would be beneficial.

Im totally prepared for this baby to be born, for me to recover and for you to say all bets are off. And all your compassion, and carrying the "to heavy" laundry downstairs, or sweeping the kitchen area will be up for grabs. Then what will you be doing? "working" being a slave to your BB? Probably. I half-heartedly expect that.

People say i'm so lucky. you're such a great guy. You're so good to the kids. Sure, im not going to deny it you're a great dad. All in all you're a good husband. But when it comes to emotional needs you're not there and you know it. I want to throw your phone down the street and have it break into a million little pieces. You make your work come first. We have date night and yes I see you sneaking peeks at your email and you know what that totally sucks! Turn that fucker off and leave it off! But you can't . God forbid! I'm addicted to my BB but i gave myself rules which i stick to. and i don't do work on it!

Right now you kind of suck. Sorry.